This blog entry was triggered by a conversation I had with someone about attending the Get RADICAL Women’s Conference. And while this specific example relates to this event, it’s indicative of a much bigger issue for some people.
This blog is for those who talk about all the changes they say they need to make and want to make…and the corresponding excuses they give, and the complaining they do, about not being able to invest in themselves to make it happen.
Now, let me preface this by saying that there are times when there are some things we simply cannot afford. Point blank. End of discussion.
However, there are times when some of us just don’t want to pay the price for something we say we want.
The woman I was talking to shared that while she knew she needed to be at the conference because she was looking to make changes in her life and needed guidance, strategies and access to people who would be informative, encouraging and supportive in helping her create an action plan, she couldn’t afford to come.
I then reminded her that we were having this conversation over a meal – a meal that ended up costing us about $60 each. I asked would she be going out to eat at least 5 times in the next 3 months. She didn’t answer right away because she had already figured out where I was going – and you probably have to. She and I knew that she goes out at least 3-5 times every month for dinner, spending close to $300 a month. The conference is 3 months away.
I also know this person has a Starbucks habit (as do I!). That’s about $4 day – or about $120 a month. Not to mention that she could come with a friend to take advantage of the 2 for 1 registration offer – cutting her ticket price in half.
We didn’t even begin the conversation about new shoes, the dress that was “on sale” or the overspending that was done during the holidays.
The truth is, we want what we want – but we don’t want to be inconvenienced to get it. We’d rather complain about our lack of resources, lack of time, lack of support and lack of knowledge about how to do what we say we want to do and how that keeps us from moving forward, making changes, advancing in our career or becoming happier with our lives and ourselves.
So this is a challenge. A challenge for those who say:
I need to take a class, attend a workshop or a conference.
I need to work with a life coach, personal trainer or business mentor.
I need to get a product, self-study program or e-course to learn a new skill.
I need to get a website, file for a trademark, or incorporate my business.
I need to get a professionally written resume.
I need to go back to school to get or finish my degree.
I need to join a professional organization to network.
These are examples of investments that have the ability to radically alter the course of your life. What can you give up that you have been unwilling to in the past? What satisfaction can you delay so that you can position yourself for a huge leap?
Are you willing to be inconvenienced? Are you willing to pay the price? If not, by all means, continue with your complaining. Just not to me.
 RADICAL Success Coach Doreen Rainey is the founder of the annual Get RADICAL Women’s Conference on March 30 – April 1 featuring Jillian Michaels, Suze Orman, Lisa Nichols, Ali Brown & Monique Greenwood. Click here for more information and to register today. Buy 1 registration, get a General Registration FREE. |
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Aprille,
Your perspective is so important for people to understand. When you prioritize based on your working to get what you say you want – it’s not a sacrifice at all. Understanding what’s available to us, what’s at our disposal, to go after the goals we have will make setting those priorities that much easier.
Stay RADICAL,
Doreen
So absolutely perfect Doreen – great timing for urging people to TELL THE TRUTH!
I agree 100% that this is one of the 3 biggest reasons why people don’t get what they say they want – which leads to whining, complaining, excuse making, then resentment and all that follows.
I have to look at this myself when I’m not getting closer to what it is I say I want. What have I been unwilling to do that it will require for me to reach the objective? Then I have to evaluate if I’m willing to do that very thing – STARTING NOW! And I have my clients go through the very same process.
Unfortunately, I find people see things as “sacrifice”; as “giving up something” or even “have to” in order to get what they want. The reality is, it’s simply a matter of prioritizing in the moment. Prioritizing something greater in the long run for something perhaps even pretty good in the short term. This is why I also teach my clients how important it is to be crystal clear about your values. When we prioritize any action, goal, objective, project based on our values, the seeming “sacrifice” of the moment has no hold on us emotionally. It’s just “what needs to be done” to move forward. There’s no waivering, no indecision, no regret. It becomes super simple to choose what we hold most dear – and all the goals and dreams that fulfill those values become paramount. (I speak from numerous personal experiences)
By prioritizing this way, nothing seems “too hard”, “too uncomfortable”, “too expensive”, “too scary”. (think “pregnancy and childbirth” vs “the amazing gift that is a child” – stretch marks be damned!!)
~~Doreen – your “Get Radical Women’s Conference” is going to be FULL of women who have been willing to prioritize and “pay the price” to have the success they want – on the stage and in the audience! It’s a great place to watch this in action and learn.~~
* If there is a “price you’re not willing to pay”, then I challenge you to ask yourself if you really, truly, deep in your soul, want what it is you say you want.
* If you don’t, then let it go with no regret or guilt.
* If you do, then do whatever it takes – no excuses, no whining!
So absolutely perfect Doreen – great timing for urging people to TELL THE TRUTH!
I agree 100% that this is one of the 3 biggest reasons why people don’t get what they say they want – which leads to whining, complaining, excuse making, then resentment and all that follows.
I have to look at this myself when I’m not getting closer to what it is I say I want. What have I been unwilling to do that it will require for me to reach the objective? Then I have to evaluate if I’m willing to do that very thing – STARTING NOW! And I have my clients go through the very same process.
Unfortunately, I find people see things as “sacrifice”; as “giving up something” or even “have to” in order to get what they want. The reality is, it’s simply a matter of prioritizing in the moment. Prioritizing something greater in the long run for something perhaps even pretty good in the short term. This is why I also teach my clients how important it is to be crystal clear about your values. When we prioritize any action, goal, objective, project based on our values, the seeming “sacrifice” of the moment has no hold on us emotionally. It’s just “what needs to be done” to move forward. There’s no waivering, no indecision, no regret. It becomes super simple to choose what we hold most dear – and all the goals and dreams that fulfill those values become paramount. (I speak from numerous personal experiences)
By prioritizing this way, nothing seems “too hard”, “too uncomfortable”, “too expensive”, “too scary”. (think “pregnancy and childbirth” vs “the amazing gift that is a child” – stretch marks be damned!!)
* If there is a “price you’re not willing to pay”, then I challenge you to ask yourself if you really, truly, deep in your soul, want what it is you say you want.
* If you don’t, then let it go with no regret or guilt.
* If you do, then do whatever it takes – no excuses, no whining!
Gina,
That’s such a great question….”What decision am I going to make here”. The key is for people to actually understand that the decision is theirs to make. So many people don’t see that they have a choice. They haven’t fully realized all of the options available to them to know that they are in control.
I also love, love, love “letting go of what is no longer serving you”. So important for making room for those things that do. Thanks for that great reminder!!
Stay RADICAL,
Doreen
Doreen,
You always write great blogs – and this one does not disappoint – it is so dead on!
I coach people at indigoforce.com that it’s not about giving up Starbucks or frequent/expensive dinners (as you example in your blog) – it’s about realizing that something (an opportunity or calling – whatever you want to call it) has come up for you that can “up-level” your life for the better. So – do you need to have Starbucks every day to still feel like you have “Starbucks” in your life? Do you need to go out to an expensive dinner every week to feel like you have “expensive dinners” in your life? Or can you reduce this and you use the time and money for the new “up-leveling” opportunity that has routed itself in your consciousness? You attracted it – no one else – the real question is what are you going to do about it? This is the critical step everyone skips over – ask yourself – what decision am I going to make here?
If the answer is nothing – then let it be nothing without guilt – but don’t talk about it because all you are doing is keeping that possibility in your life and attracting traction to put that opportunity into motion in your life which is only going to cause you distress. If you decide to take action on it – then stop questioning what is coming along to help you manifest it fully – have faith the time, energy, money etc. will come – the answer may be as easy as letting go what you have in abundance that no longer serves the “up-leveled” you (like seven or more cups of designer coffee every week).
Thanks again for stirring up great food for thought!
Gina
Nicole,
Commitment is key! Sometimes people don’t even realize there IS a way if they are willing to look at situations from a new perspective and begin to ask themselves “what CAN I do to make this happen” instead of always telling themselves all the reasons they can’t.
Stay RADICAL!
Doreen
Awesome post Doreen, and so true! I find that when people are really committed to making something happen, they find a way to pay for it. This is true whether it’s attending a conference, taking a class, paying for therapy, or making any other large purchase. Thanks for putting this out there!
-Nicole
Yvonne,
Congratulations on investing in yourself! Whether we invest by buying a book, taking a workshop, attending college, getting a coach or mentor or set boundaries that allow us to maximize our time and other resources, we open ourselves up for more learning, more growing and more success.
We have to constantly remember to be open to evaluating whether we really are tapping into all that’s available to us to put us in the best position to get what we want.
It’s so exciting to watch you and your business grow!
Stay RADICAL,
Doreen
Doreen,
Well said! I have to say that EVERY time I stretched beyond my comfort zone and invested in myself at a high level it has paid off ~ most of the times in fabulous ways I could not have imagined (meeting and masterminding with you is one of them!)
This is something I work on with my clients all the time. Whenever they are stuck, it’s usually because of fear and it’s often the fear of “AM I WORTH INVESTING IN?” When they admit that it’s that very question that’s at the core of their hesitation (a.k.a. excuses) THEN the real breakthroughs come. *:-)
I remember when Ali Brown asked from the stage, “How much does it cost to pay for 1 year of college for your child?” Numerous shout-outs were heard in the rages of $20,000, $25,000, $45,000. I was paying cash (no student loans or other sources) for my son’s $26,500 professional culinary program at the time and realized that I was investing more in HIS future than mine!
That was two years ago and my investment myself has been an incredible journey of growth, knowledge and relationships that fuel my energy daily and I “birthed” my business and am living my purpose.
Radical post Doreeen!
Much aloha,
~Yvonne
Lisa,
I love that question “what are you going to do to make it happen?” We have to constantly ask ourselves that very thing each and every time we set a goal. Then, we must commit ourselves to whatever answer we come up with.
Stay RADICAL!
Doreen
Doreen,
It was exactly this kind of self sabotage that almost caused me to talk myself out of up-leveling and investing in a high-end mentor this year. Then I heard someone say “What are you going to do to make it happen?” It was a question totally unrelated to my indecision (and one I often ask my preferred clients when they are stuck). BUT that simple question made me realize I was falling into the excused trap. This is so common and me can make it happen if we REALLY want it. Great post as usual.
Write on!~
Lisa Manyon