I was talking with an extremely successful businesswoman about a year ago who shared that she is constantly inundated with requests for lunches, coffees and to serve as a mentor. Having built a stellar corporate career and then created an incredible multi-million dollar company with tenacity and by overcoming challenges, it’s clearly understandable why so many people want to have the opportunity to learn from her.
Initially, she was very giving of her time, but soon realized three very important lessons:
Lesson #1: Most people weren’t prepared when they met or talked to her. They came with very general questions or depended on her to just start talking – to tell them “everything they needed to know”.
Lesson #2: Most people weren’t looking for guidance and knowledge, they were looking for a favor, a hook-up or money.
Lesson#3: These types of lunches, coffees and informal mentoring sessions began to eat into her time in a big way. She had a business to run, a husband and children and her own goals she wanted to continue to pursue.
But she still wanted to help others.
In order to do so, she knew she had to streamline the process so that the people who were focused, armed with substance about what they wanted to accomplish, and who had a clear picture of what type of direction they needed from her, would get her time.
So she implemented a policy that anyone who wanted to talk with her about “how she made it” would be required to read a book she recommended. Once they read the book, they could contact her again for the next step.
This was a book that had been helpful to her and would answer many of the questions she was being asked. This way, when she did finally talk to the person, they would be able to have a conversation of substance.
Several months after implementing this new policy, she realized something that actually surprised her. She never heard back from 90% of the people who originally requested time with her.
This is a called a “hoop” – and if you really want to get what you say you want out of life, you many have to jump through a few to get there.
The FreeDictionary.com defines “Jumping through hoops” as to do a lot of extra things so you can have or do something you want.
And this example shows us an important lesson. Most people won’t jump through any hoop to get them closer to what they want.
Some see “a hoop” and a have a serious negative reaction to it:
- You want me to do what?
- You want me to go where?
- You want me to write what?
- You want me to read what?
- You want me to wait a year?
- You want me to call back next month?
- You want me to write a proposal?
- You want me to talk to who first?
- You want me to send in a sample?
- You can only see me between 1:30 and 2:00 on the 25th?
- You want me to take a class first?
- You want me to volunteer first?
- You want me to do it over?
And the list goes on…
Most times, hoops are there because of the experience of the person making you jump through them. They don’t want to waste their time. They want to give of themselves, give the job to, give the investment to, give the support to, the person who has demonstrated their commitment to what it is they are doing.
So don’t get agitated, frustrated, annoyed or put off when instead of getting what you want, you get shown “the hoop”.
Just know you’re not the 90%. You are tenacious, unrelenting, determined and willing to do what it takes to get where you want to go.
Even if it involves a little jumping.
 RADICAL Success Coach Doreen Rainey is the founder of the annual Get RADICAL Women’s Conference on March 30 – April 1 featuring Jillian Michaels, Suze Orman, Lisa Nichols, Ali Brown & Monique Greenwood. Click here for more information and to register today. Buy 1 registration, get a General Registration FREE.
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Annamarie,
You are so right! Whether we like it or not, there will probably always be some level of a hoop that stands between us and getting what we want!
Lori,
I love that term…time vampires!
Read this yesterday and realized how deeply it went into me. Hoops indeed! Life is full of them and if we don’t jump through them we never get where we want to be!
Just wanted to say Thanks.
Great idea, Doreen, for weeding out the time vampires and others not willing to do the work.
Like Christina, I was wondering the name of the book as well! Let us know if you remember it.
Christina,
I was trying to remember the name but my memory failed me!
Adrien,
It really is one way to show who is more willing, more committed, more focused on getting what they want. And many times, the “hoop” does provide an opportunity to learn something.
Hi Terry,
You are so right. Time is the one commodity we’re all trying to manage well and this really is a way to make sure you stay in control as much as possible.
Doreen,
What a great post! I love it! I’m going to implement that. I have a book idea in mind, but I’m curious:
What was the book she asked them to read?
-Christina
Sounds like we should be thankful for the hoop because it will start you on a personal exploration journey that will no doubt enrich you life in some positive way.
Doreen,
Hoops are SUCH a time saver! Great post!
Hi Doreen,
This is an excellent post that I will share generously with many. Thank you.
Hi Doreen,
This is a fabuluos post, and I am going to share it generously with a great many people. Thank you.
Thanks Yvette,
It can be a touchy subject because I’ve talked to people who thought the mentor was being rude or arrogant. And maybe some are! But for the most part, they are just trying to manage their time.
Wonderful story and information. I agree hoops are necessary, not only for the sought after mentor, but for the seeker as well! Thank you always for your wonderful inspiration and sharing with us Doreen.
Nikki,
Sometimes we forget that if we want to have someone talk to us or mentor us, it’s likely that many others do too. They have to find a way to manage the requests – and sometimes measure your “desire” level. I don’t think “hoops” should be demeaning in any way, but I do think it helps filters out some people.
Keen insight, Dorren!! I in my mind, successfully jumping through hoops proves how badly I want something. My passion outweighs my pride, so I’m not ever deterred. But, it’s helpful to see clearly the logic and the purpose of the hoop from the other side of the table. Thank you!!